Security Time! (Creation Notes)
In this strip, we join the boys on the school yard shooting the breeze. They’re interrupted by the school bell. Thus begins the drawn out entry process into school. It starts with security staple “the single file line”, followed by the classic x-ray type machine, and finally the crazy machine they have now that shows people in their underwear. Fred provides commentary through it all, comparisons to the undead are made, and I’ve thrown in some slightly over the top security commands. My favorite is “sack up.” Adam of course, needs a slightly closer look.
I was trying to think of how schools might be different in the future, and I figured the one thing that would surely change, is the level of security. There are a few more things I came up with, but those will come later.
I’m not wild about the joke here, but I’m hoping the visual interest in the strip will help move eyes through the strip. This one took a number of re-pencilings to get the proper flow. I knew how it started, and basically how it ended, but those middle panels gave me fits. Number three was the hardest, and I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t express what was going on there on my first few attempts, although hopefully it’s a bit clearer now.
My favorite panel is the zombie shamble.
You know what that thing around the speaker pole is in panel one? A kid baffle. They do make them. Same principle as a squirrel baffle, it’s to keep the little suckers from being able to wrap themselves around the pole and shimmy up it.
And on a final note, how’s the new format? It’s got kinks, but I think it could work.
August 9th, 2007 at 12:13 am
[…] My thoughts on this joke, what I was attempting, and technical details here. […]
August 9th, 2007 at 4:06 am
I think the redraws were worth it. I find everything clear, without being “in-your-face” obvious. My only problem is, I sat down and drew three strips last night about my characters returning to school! They are not even remotely along the same lines as yours, but still I feel almost cheated.
August 9th, 2007 at 5:54 am
Hi, I’m Scott, been reading for a couple of weeks now, and I’m hooked. I like to see the character development and drawing style you’ve shown thus far, but I thought about chiming in on one or two things I’ve noticed.
1. Great drawing style. It’s noticeably similar to Calvin and Hobbes, which pulls up memories of naivete, mischief and grandeur. Good choice on that.
2. Writing. While I appreciate the setups and jokes you’ve written, it all comes down to the punchline and the flow. When I read your strip, I often hit the end and expect a really great zinger to wrap it up. Sometimes it’s there, and other times it isn’t. I could attribute it to wording and choice of phrase. Take this last strip for example, if you were to read the dialogue in order it goes from “How this, how that” to “Now it’s ridiculous” “It could be worse.” A classic setup. You’ve used four lines to build up to a great chance for wrapping up everything and making a point or polishing off the joke, then another character who previously had no words chimes, somewhat obscurely, in on a past experience that hasn’t been shown to us as readers, yet. I feel like I’m sounding too critical. Do you have individuals who can objectively look at your material before you start drawing? One thing I noticed in my design work(I’m an industrial design/ furniture design major.) is that others have a good eye for flow that may not be there, since you’ve got the ideas in your head and find it easier to make the connections.
I keep coming back and reading your strips because I see potential, and I love your style of rich backgrounds and dynamic characters, I simply just want to see them fulfil their potential. Keep doing a great job.
Scott V.
August 9th, 2007 at 6:00 am
I think you got panel 3 right. It was actually the zombie panel, IMHO, that lacked a bit of punch. It took me two reads to put the joke together. And, even then, it felt like the humor was a bit too dry for the subject matter. I’ll disagree with Scott, though. I felt that the joke at the end was fine. It was a bit British in temperament (it put me in mind of a couple of MP sketches, though I couldn’t tell you which ones off-hand). But, I thought it fit the characters well.
August 9th, 2007 at 6:04 am
Oooh….shiny. Liking the new extended notes. Anyways, off of that tangent and onto the art tangent! Kevin is right, the redraws were worth it. As usual, you rock my black-and-white world. I didn’t find it funny in terms of subject matter, but I found the art treatment much better than the overweight, head-shaved baboon we had doing “insecurity” last year. So, you were right, the visual interest is what got and kept me hooked. You could have done a strip about rotten leftovers, and if it had this kind of awesome details, I would have read it at least twice, and stared at it a bunch.
August 9th, 2007 at 6:09 am
Speaking of comparisons, JTM really reminds me of Boondocks. Am I the only one getting this?
August 9th, 2007 at 6:57 am
OK, now we have Jim and New Jim, Scott (Tree) and Scott V. Can’t we all get a little creative with the names? Though I doubt “The Bug” has anything to worry about, if another Kevin or Lugh shows up I’ll be lost.,,,,but honestly……”Lugh”?
August 9th, 2007 at 7:24 am
@Kevin: Don’t forget that other Rachel. Or was that in the TPOM comments? Eh, whatever.
I’m not changing mine, because the chance of *another* Rachel commenting is 1 in a million. If another does, I’ll scream. I do believe you’ll here me all the way from wherever the hell you are.
@The Bug: I haven’t looked at it that way, but it does seem a bit like The Boondocks. You’re safe. I doubt anyone will steal your name anytime soon.
August 9th, 2007 at 7:55 am
ZOMG, I put “here” instead of “hear”? Aaaaaaah, I’m slipping. Sorry for the grammar-breakdown.
Arrrg. I usually refer back to the comic when I post my technical comments, but, it’s not up there!
What’s with the word choice? Shamble? Peepers to dome?
I think Adam, and Fred shouldn’t have been sillouettes in the 1st panel. I really don’t like the 3rd one. The bubble is different from the other announcer pole ones, and the guard is holding Adam a bit too close.
All others are great.
Fred. Has. Awesome. Hair. That’s all I gotta say.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:49 am
Ok James…this is not working. Two discussion forums, and the one that is the ‘technical one’ doesnt have the comic above to refer to. So I can’t comment on it as I can’t scroll up to see it. And I aint gonna waste my breath on the other comment section because no one is there.
My suggestion is make one comment section like you had it. Post whatever thoughts you want below the comic like always…if people don’t want to read it they don’t have to…the comment button is still there.
“Shamble and peepers to dome”..I know…I had to read it like 3 times…going back for a fourth.
Just write in Japanese next time.
August 9th, 2007 at 9:17 am
@ kevin: nobody has screen names here, so you can add any title you feel like. As for feeling cheated, sorry man, when you got kids in a strip, there are only so many real world locations you can put them in.
@ Scott V: NO! New people get no opinions! I kid of course, thanks for the feedback! As to the writing, I’ve acknowledged before, it certainly is my weakness, and I’m aware of it and working on it. As for people objectively looking at my writing before I start drawing, I can’t really work that way. I’m tweaking and changing the dialog right up until the end. The majority of the time it leads to a better strip (although not always.) I’m actually not bad at judging my own writing, and I knew this one was weak, but unfortunately, it came down to available time, or lack there of. I had to get a strip out, and unfortunately, sacrifices have to be made on occasion.
@ Lugh: [shakes fist] WHAT!?! How dare you criticize the zombie panel! Actually, I think maybe the zombie panel lacked punch due to my focus on making sure I got the scanner effect right. IT was the only panel other than the first one, that I drew only once, so it might not have gotten the attention to the narrative effort that it needed.
@bug: Yeah, visual interest I got… It’s them darn jokes that are bit slippery to nail down. As for the extended notes, I like ‘em, but I’m getting a bit of flak for the separate posting places, so I might have to return to posting them below the comic, and just keep the other section for going into other comic technique type discussions.
@ Rachel: Yeah, that hair is really starting to work out. I was wrestling with it a lot in the early strips, but it seems to be falling into place.
@ Jarrett: I already decided to take the technical discussion back to the top, so that settles that.
August 9th, 2007 at 11:57 am
I’m glad the tech dicussion is going back to the top. I need it there so I can reference the strip when I want to criticize you. As for the writing, I am starting to get a better feel for the characters so all your hard work is paying off…….but I do agree the humor was a little lacking in this one. Again, though, the visuals have made me feel like my art is worse than chicken scratches. Thanks for crushing my self esteme once more!
August 9th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Well, then, Kevin, The Bug shall proceed to crush the rest of your self-esteem like IT is a bug. Nice spelling on esteem. This comment is filed under super-villainy, snark, and insects.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
Oh geez, if we start criticizing speelling I’m totally screwed!
oh, and for good measure let me add: [shakes fist]
August 9th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
@ Kevin: seriously though, about the art… that’s just practice. There’s no magic involved, just time put in. Make thirty strips, then make thirty more, and you’ll probably want to toss the first thirty because the art will have improved so much.
August 10th, 2007 at 9:58 am
Man I love that x-ray panel. Beautifully executed. I like your choice of the word “shamble.” Funnier than “shuffle” or something similar.
I don’t like the separate comments forums though. I’d think it would be kind of a pain for you to keep track of too (?).
August 10th, 2007 at 10:24 am
@scott: nah, it’s easy for me to keep track of because I use the wordpress dashboard to monitor new comments coming in, but I agree with everyone else, I’m gonna go back to posting the creation notes with the strip.
August 11th, 2007 at 6:28 am
One last word on the technical comments being put back at the top: here in Australia we are used to things being on the bottom, being down-under and all (haha), so I’m not bothered either way. Seriously, though, I like the the whole idea of a webcomic where you can read the comic and immediately following there is a blog discussion about what you were trying to do and how you went about accomplishing it. It adds depth to the whole process. More of a “here is my work, please tell me what you think”, and less “here is my work, worship me!” kind of attitude - I find it refreshing and it reflects well on you as an artist. As others have noted, it is useful to be able to scroll back to the comic to refresh my rather scattershot memory when mentioning some point or other that impressed me (or otherwise). I must admit, some of the slightly-futuristic security-speak took me a while to work out, but that just made me reread the strip a few times. “Peepers to domes” was a classic! “Eyes front”, right? The whole ‘zombie’ thing associated with school, was just so RIGHT! You’ve obviously seen my 10 year old son and 8 year old daughter on a Monday morning having to get out of bed after a big weekend! Cheers, mate.!
August 11th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Hey thanks Doug! And sorry, but I get last words around here!
Yeah, I like the commentary and the critique, and I think I will just start posting it with the strip again. As for the security speak, yeah, peepers to domes is eyes front… I thought that one might throw a few people, but I couldn’t think of a better way to say “eyes on the skull of the kid in front of you” in just three words.
I haven’t seen your kids going to school (If I did I might have some explaining to do…) but I have been through airport security more than once and it’s a similar process. I’m also on the no-fly list, so I get hassled a little more than most.